Merry Mithra's Birthday

No, Santa is not trans. He was misgendered at birth, and an insurmountable barrage of paperwork (imposed by bureaucrats so they would seldom actually have to do anything) would have been required to correct the error, so his parents just left it "Santa," and bought him a pet reindeer (which he had always wanted) to cheer him up.

Unbeknownst to the reindeer dealer, Santa's parents, or Santa himself at first, it was a magic reindeer which, once he was old enough, flew Santa to the north pole. It was nice enough there at the North Pole, but Santa had nothing to do. The reindeer, knowing that Santa was getting a little bored, said "Let there be a workshop." And, lo, a mighty cloud descended from the heavens, swirling and growling as it touched the ground and destroying all in its path. And the destruction was carried up into the cloud and transformed into a workshop. The cloud placed the workshop gently on the ground in front of Santa, then ascended back into the sky.

And the reindeer looked upon the workshop and saw that it was good. But the workshop was empty and without purpose. The reindeer said, "Let there be tools." Then a great light shown forth from within the workshop, and all manner of tools and workbenches appeared (in a total violation of the conservation of matter and energy).

And the reindeer looked upon the tools and saw that they were good. But still, the workshop was idle because there was no one to use the tools. Then the reindeer said, "Let there be elves." And a great host of elves appeared (another violation of the laws of physics).

And the reindeer looked upon the elves and saw that they were good. But they were just sitting around and not doing anything. So the reindeer said, "Let there be toys" and the elves began working at a furious pace, quickly filling the workshop with toys right up to the rafters.

And the reindeer looked upon the toys and saw that they were good (much better than anything available at Amazon, that's for sure). But the little workshop was about to burst from alll the toys, so the reindeer said, "Let there be a warehouse" and (the laws of nature being completely suspended by now) an infinitely expandable warehouse appeared behind the workshop to hold all the toys, no matter how many there were.

And the reindeer looked upon the warehouse and saw that it was good. But local people had noticed the workshop and warehouse by now, and there were thieves amongst them. So the reindeer said, "Let there be ice." And the land around the workshop, which had always been a tropical paradise (sort of similar to Lily's place in Hawaii), was transformed into a vast and impassable frozen wasteland with the workshop floating on the ice.

And the reindeer looked upon the ice and saw that it was good. But Santa said, "What am I supposed to do with all these toys? And how the hell am I supposed to get to the supermarket?" So the reindeer said "Let there be a sleigh" and a magnificent sleigh rose up out of the ice (almost like a flower growing up out of the earth). And the reindeer, knowing
that sleighs don't pull themselves, didn't look upon the sleigh, but instead said (to himself) "Be fruitful and multiply." And then there were two more reindeers, then three more, then five more, then seven more (all prime numbers for some reason) until there was a great host of reindeer surrounding the workshop.

And the reindeer looked upon the herd and saw that it was NOT good. There were far too many of them and the environment - well, let's just say the area was not a pristine frozen white wilderness any more. So the reindeer said, "Let there be magical reindeer," and the herd was transformed into a team of flying reindeer to pull the sleigh through the sky, and all the toys floated through the air and into the sleigh. There was no difficulty getting a whole warehouse worth of toys into the sleigh because, like Doctor Who's TARDIS, the sleigh is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside.

And the reindeer (you know, THE reindeer, not one of the new ones) said, "I'm tired," and went to bed.

It's actually a bad Anglization of the Dutch name Sinterklaas, Sint being Dutch for "Holy".

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas

The San/Santa is a Spanish gender rule.