My "clutter" is his "treasure"..... | F.A.C.T.S.: Forum for Active Critical Thinking & Skepticism

debutante
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My "clutter" is his "treasure"..... Aug 10, 2013 21:30:51 GMT -5

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Post by debutante on Aug 10, 2013 21:30:51 GMT -5

Since our elderly relatives passed on, I've had a lot of problems with my house. My husband brought home all kinds of "treasures" as mementos from his parent's house and his uncle's house. Trust me when I tell you the majority of this stuff is pure crap. He brought home massive amounts of kitchen equipment (I have all of these items myself and mine is in far better condition). However, he views this junk as "treasures". It has clogged up my kitchen cabinets and drawers making it difficult for me to put MY stuff where it belongs. Then he tells me that I have too much clutter and should throw away my GOOD stuff to keep his dead relative's CRAP.

In case you're wondering why this is an issue today -- I've been cleaning and trying to clear up my cabinet space so that my countertops aren't covered with the stuff that no longer fits in my cabinets and drawers due to his "treasures".

Okay -- I do "get" sentimental value. I have several items from my parent's house -- but those are boxed and in the basement. I wouldn't dream, for example, of keeping my mother's wedding gown in an upstairs closet taking up space.

I understand "wedding gowns". I kept HIS mother's wedding gown too (made incidentally, from a WW2 silk parachute). That was a "special occasion" item that I kept even though he wanted to get rid of it. That item meant something to his mother. I doubt she was emotionally attached to her pie pans, but to him, those have value.

How in the heck does a man get sentimentally attached to vegetable graters? Corkscrews? Incredibly UGLY everyday plates? I just don't understand why he has invaded my kitchen with this JUNK and is trying to make me feel that MY STUFF (which, actually does belong) should be thrown away to make room for this GARBAGE.

I am not sure if this is a "man thing" I'm just not getting, or if he's being a control freak.

Do all men keep massive amounts of things that belonged to dead relatives?

I am frustrated. I have been cleaning all day and he won't let me throw any of this JUNK he brought home out.

--Debutante

Last Edit: Aug 10, 2013 21:32:36 GMT -5 by debutante

Deleted
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My "clutter" is his "treasure"..... Aug 10, 2013 21:42:21 GMT -5

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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2013 21:42:21 GMT -5

Deb, I can relate to this. My mom passed away 7 years go, and my dad will not get rid of anything of hers. I live with him now, and we just have no space. Her closet with all her clothes and drawers, too, are still there. It's so hard. There is so little space for things as it is. But I've decided that my dad's feelings are more important than my frustration. I won't say that it's the same for a husband and a mother, but at least you have a basement. We don't.

raybar
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My "clutter" is his "treasure"..... Aug 11, 2013 15:51:00 GMT -5

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Post by raybar on Aug 11, 2013 15:51:00 GMT -5

It's not just a "guy thing." We have a lot of stuff that Molly inherited from her parents and from her aunt. None of it is junk, and the house holds it all without much trouble, but much of it wouldn't be missed if it were gone. She has spoken for years about selling some of it, but so far it's all still here.

debutante
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My "clutter" is his "treasure"..... Aug 11, 2013 19:23:07 GMT -5

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Post by debutante on Aug 11, 2013 19:23:07 GMT -5

Dear Raybar:

Well, at least your wife's stuff has value! My Mother-in-law was incredibly clumsy with things like fine china, crystal, and silver. Anything of value (of that nature) was chipped, broken, or bent beyond repair. The majority was thrown out as not salvageable.

His uncle was a practical man -- and wasn't into things he couldn't use -- as a bachelor he did nothing in the way of formal entertaining. We have his war medals and dog tags and things that actually meant something to him. He had fought his way across Europe with Patton and loved to tell war stories. So I believe in keeping that kind of thing. But I kid you not -- my husband brought home his vegetable grater. It's so old I think his uncle must have inherited it from some relative that was even older than he was and he died at 94! I've never even seen one like this.

Forget about the fact that I have a food processor, a smaller electric grater for "jiffy" type jobs as well as a hand grater that most certainly isn't as antiquated as that thing. I wish you could see it. It belongs in a museum.

It's not that I won't let him keep things -- I believe in keeping things that are beautifully designed, or in some way of historical value (for example, I kept all of my mother-in-law's depression glass), or actual monetary value. There are two statues for example (ugly as sin) that I know are probably worth a small fortune due to the fact that they are an example of porcelain lace technique. They're well done, but don't appeal to me visually -- but I know that as antiques, they're valuable. Again, those are boxed in the basement. I consider them too valuable to throw out -- and too ugly (as far as I am concerned) to be displayed.

So it's not that I won't let him keep things. But I do have a problem with, for example a half of cabinet shelf's worth of Michelob beer glasses that his dad got from God only knows where. I have more than enough glasses of my own and mine are pretty and not emblazoned with a beer company logo! I didn't even realize he'd stashed them in my cabinets. All I knew is that all of a sudden things weren't fitting into the cabinets anymore and it took me awhile to figure out what he'd done.

I think he'd have transferred the entire contents of their houses into ours if he could have -- he's sentimentally attached to the weirdest things.

--Debutante