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Post by faskew on Mar 26, 2018 9:44:56 GMT -5
I ran across an interesting Swedish term the other day, döstädning (death cleaning), the idea that you should deal with all your “stuff” before you die, instead of leaving it up to friends and family to do it after you die. Quite a burden, in some cases.
Yeah, every adult, regardless of age should have a will that says what you want done with the big ticket items – money, car, house, yacht, race horses, whatever. But what about all those dozens (or even hundreds) of little things we surround ourselves with over a life? Things that are probably worth very little in monetary value, but may have an emotional value for you and your loved ones? Who’s going to get that Chinese puzzle box you bought in Honolulu 50 years ago? Or that Lord of the Rings DVD collector’s set? Or whatever?
Death cleaning basically means that you try to find someone in your life who you think would appreciate an item now and give it to them. This does two things. (1) It’s one less thing for your folk to deal with after you die. (2) You get the fun of seeing someone’s pleasure while you’re still alive.
Two side notes. If you have stuff that’s been sitting in a box for 10 years and you don’t know anyone who would want it, maybe it’s time to drop it off at the Salvation Army, or post it on Craig’s List or some such. Not everything we own will have value to someone else. And very few of us know when we will die, so there’s no point in waiting for a better time.
Classic death cleaning deals with objects, but I think it’s important to add internet cleaning to the process. You need to give someone a list of all your internet and social media sites, with password, security questions, etc. I still get messages from Facebook to “congratulate so-and-so on their work anniversary” and that person has been dead for years. Some of your friends may not even know you’re dead unless your surrogate logs in and emails them. Having someone else clean up your cyber-world is simply a considerate thing to do.
A couple of points. Your “cleaner” should be someone you trust, but not someone too physically close. Right now, car accidents are one of the top 3 or so causes of death in the US. Yes, your spouse or significant other could be your cleaner, but that person is likely to be in the car with you when you are killed. You need someone that you don’t ride with often. And, even better, someone who lives a good distance away. Don’t want a single tornado or whatever to get both you and your cleaner.
How should you pass on this sensitive information? Me, I keep an Excel spreadsheet with all the passwords and such that I’ve activated over the years. (There are simply too many to remember, and writing them on paper is never a good idea.) You can encrypt both Excel and Word, so that they require a password to open them. Give a copy of your file to your cleaner and all they have to remember is the single password to open that file. (BTW, my spreadsheet is not named “password”. In case someone gets access to your files, you don’t want them scarfing up your secrets, even if they are encrypted. So maybe something like “Uncle Otto’s Salsa Recipe” or such is better.)
Another part of practicing “Safe Cyberspace” is changing your passwords regularly. NEVER use the same password for more that one site. And, like changing the batteries in smoke detectors every few months, you need to change ALL your active passwords, too. This will mean sending a new copy of your file to your cleaner, but that’s no big deal.
So these are my suggestion to everyone:
• Make a will if you own anything worth more than $1K
• Find new homes for some of your favorite things before you die
• Get an internet cleaner
• Change your passwords regularly
Don’t you feel better already? 8-D
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2018 15:05:10 GMT -5
How old should a person be before death-cleaning and giving things away?
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Post by faskew on Mar 26, 2018 16:20:30 GMT -5
Up to you. What things do you have in boxes right now that you don't need? Is there someone you know and care about who would like to have those things? Books, clothing, etc.? I've been doing some of this for months, only I called it "divesting" instead of death cleaning. I have some first-edition signed books that I've given to some friends of mine. Nothing valuable, mind you, just stuff that's worth $20 or less on Ebay. Another example, I had an old Bank of Shanghai Gold Certificate from 1930, in bad condition. Checked on the internet and found that if it had been in mint condition, it was worth about $130. But people are selling those like mine for about $1. My immediate work manager is from China, so I gave it to her. For me, it was just something in a box that I've had for 40 years and never had any attachment to. For her, it's something from her homeland's past that means much more that it ever would to me.
I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who is going to take his Social Security at 62 because he's diabetic and has had 2 heart attacks already. He's being realistic about the amount of time he has left, so he also needs to start cleaning.
But since we can all die at any time from nature or mankind, the sooner the better. I wouldn't get rid of things that you still use often or like to have around because they make you happy. But you might write down who you want to have them after you die.
The others stuff, wills, internet cleaner friend, password changing - all those things everyone needs to do now. Again, death tends to be a surprise for most of us, so preparation now is good. We have to assume that our loved ones will be grieving over our loss and won't want to mess with sorting through our DVD collection or whatever. Of course, if no one will care, then it doesn't matter. LOL
I once knew someone who was paid to empty a house. A old man had died, and his relatives didn't want to mess with anything of his, nothing at all, so they paid someone to go in and carry everything away. Some went to donations, some went to trash, and some things they kept. Once the house was empty, the relatives sold it and never looked back. We can all hope that we when die there will be wailing in the streets, flags at half-mast, and all such. I'd hate to think that no one wanted anything of mine at all. Hey, I really do have a Chinese puzzle box I bought in Honolulu Chinatown in the spring of 1970. What kind of heartless barbarians wouldn't want that, I ask you? 8-D
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Post by debutante on Mar 26, 2018 19:48:43 GMT -5
If you're going to give away stuff while you're still alive -- I suggest you let everyone know you're doing it and who is getting what.
My mother-in-law apparently gave away a set of fine china dishes to someone before she died (I have no idea who and don't care -- I have my own). A cousin who felt they should have come to her (because my mother-in-law was her godmother) had my sister-in-law more or less accuse me of "stealing" these stupid dishes when they couldn't be found. This was because my husband had put me in charge of going through the china because I was the only one who knew what was valuable and what wasn't. They needn't have worried -- what was left that was "valuable" was a mish-mash of various pieces because my MIL was cow-handed and had chipped and broken most pieces so there wasn't a complete set of anything.
So there are always going to be fights -- even if there isn't anything worth fighting over. I have kept several boxes of these mismatched crystal pieces and some depression glass stored in my basement. It's total value isn't astronomical -- but because they accused me of stealing those godforsaken dishes I wasn't going to give them a damn thing. I am waiting for the youngest of my nephews to marry and he's getting the whole kit and caboodle. He was the only one who cared about the old lady when she was alive. The others made obligatory visits and couldn't wait to get away from her. He actually treated her like he cared. So I've decided he will get it.
--Debutante
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Post by faskew on Mar 27, 2018 7:20:52 GMT -5
A good suggestion, especially if there's valuable stuff that several people might want. I myself don't have anything of value and no close relatives, so no problem at all for me. My wife has some old photos and such that some of her relatives might want, so she has to figure out who gets what. Of course, with photos you can make copies or scan them and give everyone their own. Not so easy with china. 8->
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2018 11:31:53 GMT -5
I've been thinking it over and I've decided I'm only going to do the normal decluttering of cabinets, drawers, closets, etc., as a matter of routine. If someone wants this house, and I'm the last survivor, then they can earn it by emptying it themselves or hiring someone to do it. After me and my brother (who is close to my age) there is no one on the "inheritance" list. Maybe later when I need someone in my older age and I'm by myself, then that would be an option to leave everything to a person as compensation to for being a person to rely on for my needs, but making sure to have it done legally with all the legal protections.
Or sell the house and go into a senior living community while I still can.
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